PLKN aka National Service aka Kill Me Now

Okay I'm leaving for National Service in under 24 hours. Can't believe I'm actually doing this. Oh God, I must be crazy. I'm rlly worried no one will wanna be my friend. Because I suck at making friends and I suck and being friendly to people I don't know. Fear of rejection. I brought books to read in case nobody wants to talk to me. Can't bring my phone so I can't text or call my friends. I will be cut off from the internet world the whole time I'm there. I'm really scared.

I don't want to live in the forest or walk through the forest or camp out there. I don't want to go marching because it truly is the dumbest, most pointless activity in the world. I don't want to eat 6 meals a day. I don't want to bathe in a creepy outhouse. I don't want to shit or pee in a creepy outhouse. I don't want to be terrified to find myself awake in the middle of the night there because of all the horror stories I've heard about those camps. I don't want to wash my own clothes and hang em up to dry for everyone to see. I don't want to have to deal with other human beings cuz I suck at that. I don't want to perform any "cultural performances". I don't want to have to introduce myself to a group of strangers and have them all stare at me while I fumble with my words. I don't want to polish my boots. I don't want to wear those Goddamned ugly ass boots and uniform. I don't want to do any outdoor activities like hiking or teamwork-activities. I don't want to deal with over-bearing leader-type characters. I don't even want to deal with over-excited camp facilitators.

Every camp I have ever been to, church organized or otherwise, I have not enjoyed. I think I've been to over 10 camps in my life, I've only truly enjoyed one. O-N-E. To be honest, I love staying at home, alone, and doing what I like to do. I don't like sitting down with a bunch of strangers thinking of a team name, a team cheer, a team flag, a performance idea. It's all stupid and pointless to me.

But I realize that this isn't the right attitude to bring to a camp that will last me 3 FRIKKIN MONTHS. I simply have to suck it up, stop whining and do what I can to enjoy myself there. Can you imagine being miserable for THREE WHOLE MONTHS. And if I'm miserable, even more people would be put off by me and my negativity. Even I can't stand negative people who grumble all the time. I've been grumbling long enough. Tomorrow onwards, I will go for National Service with an open mind and an open heart. I will try my best to be friendly to everyone and try my very very very best to not roll my eyes at all the excited people there. I needa adopt their attitudes. I really do hope to gain a lot from this experience. I mean to go there for 3 whole months and come back with nothing? THEN IT WOULD TRULY BE A WASTE OF TIME. If I don't learn anything from the camp, AT THE VERY VERY LEAST, I hope to make some friends. I really want to learn to make a good first impression. Because all my life people have disliked me till they got to know me because of my erm lack of response when approached. The truth is I get really nervous when a stranger approaches me. Not like I'm in danger or wtv, but I feel like I won't say the right thing. Or the person will think I'm weird. So I just go into o.o mode and say the dumbest things and seem rude even when I didn't mean to. I suck horribly at small talk.

I digress. The point is, I am leaving for National Service and I'll most prolly be there till March the 17th. Its a really long time to be away from the things I love most, i.e: family, friends and internet. I hope everything goes great. I hope I come back happy. Because if I don't, it would have been the biggest waste. I'm starting college NEXT YEAR because I'm going for NS. So yeah, its a pretty big sacrifice. My dad wants me to go, btw, if you're wondering why I'm even going. He says I need discipline. Anyw, those of you starting school and college, good luck and have fun! To those of you going for National Service like me, GOOD FRIKKIN LUCK. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. LETS JUST PARTY ROCK THE NEXT 3 MONTHS.